Offsprung

No Really, It's Me, Not You...

2010-10-15T14:49:00.000-07:00

I'm moving. Headed to Wordpress, changing the focus of the blog.

There are all sorts of reasons why, but just in case you're following this blog, feel free to pop on over to the new site and enjoy a little more diversity of topics. I'll still be throwing IVF issues out there, but it won't be the sole focus. It'll be more of a personal blog, and I think, more reflective of my personality.

Hugs.

- Michael

Innocent Until Defined Otherwise

2010-10-14T14:01:00.000-07:00

I think I'm about to abandon this site and start something different, so I'm going to lay out another land mine just to see what happens...

I've been having some fun reading through all sorts of bioethical journal entries, religious debates, other moral relativistic types of sites, and well, I'll just admit it - baseball statistics. I came upon an interesting Time article quoting a Catholic ethicist, Daniel Callahan, as writing

"To say, for instance, that God forbids the taking of 'innocent' life while conceding — as I think we must — that it is left up to a man to define what an innocent life is, is to fail to see that the only possible meaning this rule can have is the meaning human beings choose to give it . . . To place the solution to these problems in the hands of God is to misjudge God's role and misuse human reason and freedom."

I can feel another onslaught of fire and brimstone coming, but are we capable of making judgments on our own moral absolutes with God as a guide as Potts seems to argue in this article, or do we surrender all rationality to a higher authority?

and...discuss...

Nancy

2010-10-13T09:11:00.000-07:00

Lost my Mother one year ago today. Here's hoping they have dirty gin martini's and potato chips where you are, Mom. I love you.

Your LCS Primer

2010-10-13T07:23:00.001-07:00

I've got Texas and Philly. Let's do this.

This Just In: You're All Going to Hell

2010-10-12T07:38:00.000-07:00

Wooo boy! I happened across this tidy little gem recently - don't ask me how. But it is chock-full of handy advice for all you dastardly sinners out there doing IVF, courtesy of "Father Tad".

Here are a few for your enjoyment:

Even if IVF were done without making any extra embryos at all, this way of making babies would still be morally objectionable, because the procedure strikes at the very core and meaning of marital sexuality. It substitutes an act of laboratory manipulation for an act of bodily union between spouses. It turns procreation into production. IVF is really the flip-side of contraception: rather than trying to have sex without babies, we try to have babies without sex.

Now, I'm a kid who grew up Catholic, was confirmed Catholic, and am now a "recovering" Catholic. So believe me when I tell you that I spit my coffee half way across the room when I read this. Why? They spent EVERY OPPORTUNITY IN THE WORLD telling us how bad, bad, bad, sex was. Icky, icky, icky sex. Hell, hell, hell. Now, you really need to have it. Father Tad, what if I have sex with my wife, hot, steamy "bodily union" on the lab table and then just have the good doc sneak a little catheter up there and make an embryo transfer? Would that be ok?

There's more...

Regardless of how a baby comes into the world, whether by IVF, whether by adultery, by pre-marital sex, or even by cloning, that baby is always a gift and a blessing.

Why not just include rape, incest, and erector set fertilization?

In other words, babies, even when very much desired, should not be brought into the world by making use of disordered means such as adultery, pre-marital sex, IVF, or cloning. They should be brought into the world only within that intimate love-giving moment of the marital embrace.

I can't help but ask how Fr. Ted feels about how Jesus was brought into the world?

Children are entitled to come into being as the fruit of a singular parental love that is uniquely manifested in the spousal moment of bodily surrender to each other. Through the incredibly rich language of the parents' bodies, through their body to body contact, the new body of their child is engendered. In their one-flesh union, they enflesh new life. That intimate bodily embrace is a sacred action that only spouses may share, and it represents the unique and privileged locus

There is no way to describe the above as anything other than Catholic pornography. I'm sweating!

Folks at the Vatican really need to get out more.

Congrats to Robert G. Edwards, Nobel Prize Winner

2010-10-06T13:54:00.000-07:00

The co-inventor of in-vitro fertilization finally is recognized by the Nobel folks. Congratulations to you, Dr. Edwards, and all you've helped directly and indirectly for the last 40 years.

Follow that link to see all of the responses people around the world have left. The one that particularly caught my eye? This:

"Congratulation for winning prize you deserve world is looking more number of Robert G. Edwards""
- varahalarao vadlapudi, Andhra University

Now, Varahalarao, it's all well and good to congratulate the man, but when you're talking about someone who had access to the resources in order to clone himself a billion times over, you really need to watch what you're suggesting here...

did I take this too far??? Probably...

Predicting blast embryo success

2010-10-04T09:06:00.000-07:00

Interesting article from the BBC where Stanford researchers have developed a way to predict with greater accuracy which embryo's will be successful. In particular, this quote stood out to me:

"We've always thought of embryos as living or dying, but in reality we find that each cell in the embryo is making decisions autonomously."

So in theory, I should be able to have them choose the embryo that will feature a left handed kid with a plus fastball and wicked slider, right? I'm so doing a blast round again. Someone notify my wife...

Don't be funny

2010-09-30T10:15:00.000-07:00

I just heard back from a publisher that looked at my manuscript and said that they found it entertaining and the subject matter was unique but they were worried, quote, "about the constant humorous narrative."

So here was my response.

Thank you for your quick feedback on the manuscript.

For your review, I've submitted a revised edition where I kick dogs every other chapter.

I hope this balances the tone of the book to your liking.

Best -

- Michael

Why Parents Hate Parenting

2010-09-16T15:51:00.001-07:00

You may have already seen it (and it's actually a very well written piece), but you have to check out this article

How many of you would like to punch her in the face?

There was a time I'm pretty sure my wife would have.

News of the "No Shit, Sherlock?"

2010-09-15T21:26:00.000-07:00

You have to see this article. I don't take exception with the notion that some homeopathic method might be of some use to someone out there among the 6.7 billion of us, but this article includes this tidy little (grammatically horrific) gem which you neither can dispute nor ignore...

"Lack of libido is an chief issue in fertility. The probability to become pregnant are greater if a woman is sexually active."

Whoever wrote this seriously knows how to party.

This girl was subjected to cat calls by an NFL team?

2010-09-15T07:21:00.000-07:00

Some of the 53 guys in a mens locker room flirted with her? Really? I don't believe it.

Where Beck meets Biology

2010-09-11T14:56:00.001-07:00

Just too good to not pass along. Enjoy.

Use of Porn Criticized in IVF

2010-09-09T11:34:00.000-07:00

Interesting news today:

NHS trusts have been criticised for supplying pornography to couples undergoing IVF.

The think tank 2020health.org said the use of porn to help men produce sperm samples promoted "adultery of the mind".

And therefore, 202health.org has recommended supplying free 1960's Sears Catalogs with pages rabbit-eared to the womens underwear section.

Rodney King is marrying juror #5

2010-09-08T11:13:00.000-07:00

in news you really can't make up, Rodney King is indeed engaged to a juror from his 1992 riot-inducing trial. $100 bucks says he got her pregnant.

Why not

2009-10-26T22:28:00.000-07:00

Out of the blue, I'm just going to throw this up because one battle has been replaced by another. I delivered the eulogy at my mother's funeral this past weekend, and I'm just so incredibly crushed by her leaving us, I want my attempt to make her proud live forever - so I'm just going to post this and run off for a while again. You'll see I have a reference to a boy in there, so yes - I have a little boy, and I guess it's not terribly important to me to relate to you all how he got here, but I love him with every fiber of my being. Here goes:

This past summer my wife and I took a vacation to the Washington Coast with some of our closest friends. We all have two year olds, so we consider vacationing together kind of a support group.

Knowing Gus, I figured he would be initially cautious, but once he got a flavor for splashing in the water, he’d want to get right in. This concerned me. So I did some research.

I learned about sea creatures, winds, swells, and other such matter. Then I read about rip tide and what I found surprised me.

It turns out if you get swept up in a rip tide, if you try to swim against it you’re doomed. If you fight it it’s useless. You’re only hope to survive isn’t to swim, it’s to let it take you – you need to completely let go.

This operates against logic, against human will.

To fight it is futile. You have to surrender to it to have any hope.

When Mom was first diagnosed, I thought the decision on what to do next was obvious:

You fight it with all of your strength.

Go in swinging, go down swinging.

Doctors didn’t give her much in the way of hope. Her chances were slim. Fight it and you have maybe a year, and it wouldn’t be a very pleasant year. Don’t fight and you have a few months.

But this is my Mom we’re talking about. Stubborn. Resolute. Iron-willed.

And yet after a flirtation with a protracted battle, she did the unthinkable and she just stopped.

Stopped chemo, stopped taking her blood pressure medicine, ignored her diabetes. She stopped fighting against the tide.

She let go.

This is my Mom we’re talking about. Realist. Practical. Wise.

I can’t say that I agree with her decision, but I recognize that she gave us a gift. She let go in order to make full use of the time she had left. So instead of the next chemo appointment, the next meeting with doctors, the next round of being too sick to get out of bed, she connected with her friends, she was visited by family, she got to spend time with her grandchildren Jonathan, Christopher, Gus. She got to hold little baby Ike.

She went to the casino.

She ate pizza.

She even drank beer.

She let go so she could live.

With this decision, this gift, we were able to simply love her during her remaining time and reflect on what she meant to us.

In thinking about Mom’s life I realize that she was the master of knowing when to let go.

Mom entered nursing school in a class of 43 and only 18 graduated. It was a grueling program. Students needed to study, intern, many worked on the side to earn money. She was good at what she did and she enjoyed it. One of my favorite stories that Dad told me years ago was that Mom would get home from work and leave a note about where they were going out with friends. Dad would get home a time later, change, see the note, and drive separately. They’d have fun all night, race each other home, wake up and swear they’d never do it again until my dad saw Mom’s note that night after work. And they’d do it all over.

I tell you this story because Mom had an endearing line she used to like to tell Kelli and me. “My life was really over when I had you kids.” And then she’d grin and look at us with adoring eyes and say “but I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Mom never wanted to be a cook. She didn’t want to shop for groceries. She didn’t want to vacuum, clean the bathroom, do the laundry. She didn’t want to do back-to-school shopping. She didn’t want to discipline.

But she did it.

She let go of her career, she let go of her fun, and she became a Mother. Because she was selfless.
I recall being in first grade and my buddy Andy wore a key around his neck and I asked him,
“why do you wear that key around your neck?”.

“So I can get in my house,” he said rather incredulously

And I said, “You mean your mom won’t let you in the house?”

I never knew what it was like to not have Mom at home, there waiting for me, to take care of me, to ask me about my day. What I learned. What I liked. What I discovered.

Mom had a knack for knowing when things were beyond her control.

I remember being a young boy... and let’s just say my Mom and my sister were having trouble seeing eye to eye. Mom did the best she could but there wasn’t much she could say or do that would derail my sister’s determination to be her own person. I recall Mom telling me, “honey, I love your your sister but I just can’t fix her right now.” And she let her go. I believe it was this decision that allowed my sister to make her own choices, grow up, learn from mistakes, and mature. It’s why she became the empathetic, intelligent person she is today. Mom let her go to let her grow.

I also remember wondering why Mom cried so much when I was leaving for college. It wasn’t as if I was going to Central. I was only going 90 minutes north. I’d certainly be coming home for a good meal and to do my laundry on the weekends. It was much later that I realized that she cried because she had to let me go – she had to let me go and make my own mistakes, my own decisions, and learn from them on my own. When other Moms called night after night, mine let me call her – and I credit her for that.

Helen Hunt Jackson wrote:

Motherhood is priced of God, at price no man may dare to lessen or misunderstand.

When I first read that, the understanding part struck me – it reminded me of something I wrote for Mom that I never gave her.

Last year, I started to write her a letter for Mother’s Day because I was now a parent and I had a new respect for her with Gus in my life. Ironically, I never finished it largely because I have Gus in my life. In reading it over, so much of it seemed appropriate for today. I’d like to share some of it with you now.

Mom, I understand how you must have felt when I was born and they told you I wouldn’t survive.

I understand now why you always read me one more book before bedtime if I asked.

I understand why you didn't want me to play football.

I understand why going out for pizza on Saturday was so important to you. You didn’t have to cook for us – and prepare two different meals: one for Kelli, and one for the rest of us.

I understand why you spoiled me.

I understand why you couldn't stand my hair long in college.

I understand why you forced me to go to confirmation.

I understand why you asked me to clean up my room. I also understand why it upset you when I never did.

I understand why you always made me send thank you notes promptly.

I understand why you couldn’t come to my baseball games because you’d throw your back out.

Mom, I still don't understand gazpacho, but I understand why you made it. Because Dad liked it.

I understand what went through your mind when you heard the tires screech outside our house when I got hit by that car.

And Mom, I hope you understand why the first thing that I told the medics was that Mom was going to kill me.

I understand why every time I left the house, you told me to "be careful". And as if I couldn’t look at the gauge myself, you asked if there was any gas in the car.

Mom, I'll never understand why you packed two kids into a 1981 VW Rabbit and drove 800 miles to Reno Nevada, but I'm sure you had your reasons.

I understand why you didn't like some of my girlfriends.

I even understand why at Christmas time you always hung that picture of an ox that Kelli made in grade school even though it really had nothing to do with Christmas and it barely looked like an animal to begin with. I get it now.

I understand now why you always shopped on the sale rack.

I finally understand why you sobbed when I broke that ugly green vase that sat on top of our 1960's television in the basement. It was the last thing your mother had given you.

I understand why you had a well stocked bar.

I understand how much you cared for us.

I understand how much you loved us.

I finally understand all the sacrifice.

And Mom, I was going to say that I don’t know what I’ll do without you – but in fact, I do know what I’ll do without you. I’ll honor you by attempting to live up to your example, and you all can do the same.

To be selfless.

To sacrifice for those you love.

To be loyal to your friends.

To be loyal to your family.

To love your family almost to a fault.

To know when to stand and fight.

And to have the wisdom to know when to let the tide take you.

Glen Hansard Rules

2008-02-28T21:00:00.000-08:00

I don't have much to say lately, so I figure I might as well throw some good music out there. If you haven't seen the movie "Once," you ought to... it's well done. Glen and Marketa Irglova won an Oscar for this song in the movie. I've heard a whole host of versions of the song, and I'll admit that the stripped-down acoustic versions are better - but I'm a big fan of The Frames, so I was pleased to see it played with some fiddle, drums, and bass. Enjoy.

Just Take Your Medicine

2008-01-10T09:01:00.000-08:00

When I was about four years old, I had a fever.

"Mom, why does my head get so hot when I'm sick?"

"It's your body fighting the bug you've got."

"So it's good?"

"Yes, honey"

She then went to give me some kind of fever-reducing medicine.

"Mom, what are you giving me?"

"It's to help with the fever, honey"

Pause.

"But I thought my fever was a good thing?"

"Just take the medicine."

"But who is going to fight my bug if I get rid of the fever?"

"Just take the medicine."

"But mooooooooommmmmm!"

"Just take the medicine."

God love her. She is and was a tolerant woman. But I can't help but feel some kind of parallel between this and some of the ridiculousness with regard to infertility. I feel like we repeatedly try to treat the symptom and not the disease.

"Take the medicine" is something I think about every time I shoot my wife in the ass with some unpronounceable goop in a syringe. And I wonder - there's got to be a reason more and more people need fertility intervention. There's got to be some issue, some imbalance, some evil, if you will, that's causing this - and yet so little has been invested to try and determine what "it" is.

According to a Reproductive Genetics Center study, .05% of men were functionally sterile (sperm counts below 20 million) in 1938. Today that rate is 8-12%. Some studies argue the rate of male infertility is growing at a rate of 1 to 2 percent each year. Excuse my French, but that, ladies and germs, is seriously fucked up.

And yet, there is a dearth of research into causes of infertility while we pump each other full of hormones and masturbate in back rooms to try and create a family.

Now, I know there has been SOME research - we know that have a battery of chemical, pharmaceutical, and environmental possibilities for infertility. Heavy metals, hydrocarbons, varnishes, glues, solvents, pesticides, oxidants (free radicals), etc. – all exhibit effects on fertility but determining statistically significant causality is another matter. However, it’s probably safe to say that if you work in a rubber factory or if you finish floors for a living and you’re just getting to the family planning part of life, move to a state where IVF is covered by your HMO.

Type "in vitro" into a Yahoo news search though - you know what you get? Hundreds of articles about diagnostics markets, diagnostic partnerships, marketing agreements between businesses making in-vitro diagnostic machines, partnership agreements with foreign companies for in-vitro computer technology, in-vitro medical device permits, acquisitions, stock options, blah, blah, blah...

People are making a lot of money on us. I'm not sure they care about the cause.

"Just take the medicine."

Indeed.

I guess this is the end of my "good faith" sperm donating days...

2007-12-01T09:27:00.000-08:00

You may have already seen this story, but I thought it was worth a post.

So if this guy is legally obligated to child support, then we should all be asking our respective embryologists for new skates or a baseball glove or something of similar ilk - I mean, they're just as much a responsible party in creating life as the parents were. Hell, the embryologist probably spent more time with the sperm than the biological father.

21 years old, going on... 1 month...

2007-10-23T10:45:00.000-07:00

Since I seem to be a news hog lately, and full of only ugliness and evil, I thought I'd send along this link since it's fairly uplifting and interesting.

So I'm morbidly consumed

2007-10-19T19:58:00.000-07:00

the hits just keep coming.. I'm not searching them out, I just see them in the paper. If I had a sense of humor today, I'd see the irony in all of this - but it just makes me ill. I don't get it. Insight, anyone? WTF?

Why them?

2007-10-16T16:14:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while, I come across a news story that involves an infant or a child and some grotesque abomination that their only-considered-a-parent-due-to-matching-dna caretakers inflicted upon them. Sometimes I've actually read stories and just sat there and cried. But always - ALWAYS - when I read about abuse to children, as a person who has struggled to bring my own biological into the world, I wonder - "why them?".

It never gets me anywhere, and yeah - we all know that there are crack babies born by the bakers dozen on any given day, but I read the following story, and I just couldn't get away from it. Why them? Why her?

On point

2007-05-12T18:02:00.000-07:00

Stumbled across a great, and so topic appropriate, quote:

“Many children, many cares; no children, no felicity.”

– Christian Nevell Bouvee

I'm working on some new material, based on some of your recommendations that folks have e-mailed. You kids out there in blog-o-land like meaty details, it seems! So I'm working on a follow-up to the coffee/beer post and also something to give you an idea of our deliberations on IVF. So more to come, hopefully. Best to you all, and thanks for all the positive feedback.

- M

Vacation

2006-08-15T23:48:00.000-07:00

Hi folks - didn't want you to think I'd given up so quickly... I'm actually going to be on vacation for about a week. If they've got wireless at our destination, I'll definitely sneak in a post.

My plan when I return is to take on the taboo. Personally, when I got elbow-deep into this ridiculous baby chase, I wanted to know the unseemly details, the lurid intracacies of kids-by-science.

This is an embarrassing process for both the man and the woman. It's FAR more invasive for women, but that's not to say there aren't plain weird moments for the guy. And, well... this was the whole idea of the blog - to present the guy point of view.

Now I know most of the ladies out there are going to let out a collective "GIVE ME A BREAK" as I whine about this, but the process of "collecting a sample of semen" is truly bizarre. And nothing can really prepare you for the walk of shame - the trip down the hallway with a cup in your hand as everyone looks at you knowing you're headed back there to smack your junk.

Maybe it's a gross subject, maybe it's funny, perhaps it's titillating. Regardless, I'm pretty sure none of you had to conduct such improper behavior a few paces away from your mother-in-law...and frankly, that was just part of what made my first experience in this ridiculous collection room so painfully memorable.

So in the meantime, feel free to comment on whether or not you think it's appropriate material, or if you'd rather I skip to more important topics involved in the IVF process. If anyone else wants to share oddball details of their collection room experience - go for it. The more we can laugh about it, the more normal it might seem.

See you in a few...

A warm welcome

2006-08-13T16:33:00.000-07:00

Thanks to everyone for the encouragement and for those of you with similarly themed blogs for adding me to your links. It's good to see some comments in here and I love that some of you have shared links to other horror stories on par with mine.

I wanted to post a bit of clarification as it related to my situation. You'll notice I tend to post in the past-tense. My wife and I have actually been undergoing IVF for the last year and I'm posting in a way that is a bit of "catch up," if you will. It's an effort to share our story for anyone who might find it useful, supportive, funny, what have you. And frankly, it seemed preferable to just saying, "we've been undergoing IVF for a year, it sucks, and...DISCUSS..."

My hope is to ultimately get caught up to where we presently are in a short time, and make the comments more real-time, as I suppose a more traditional weblog would be. In the meantime, I'll just continue to tell the story...